Tosyn Bucknor- The Aftermath of her life.

November 20, 2018, started as a regular day for me (well, maybe not soo regular, cos it was a public holiday, and that meant...... no waking up at 4am to get ready for work😁😁😁😁😁😁). I ran some errands, got home, and logged on to Instagram, to see a shocker: Tosyn Bucknor dead!!!!!!!

I literally screamed!!!!!! She was so full of life, always happy (at least every time, I hear her on radio, or watch her videos),and very passionate about who/what she holds dear. Tosyn Bucknor made me start listening to Top radio (awa team Areaaaaaaa), and when she moved to Inspiration fm, needless to say, I moved with her too. I had always been a fan, because I felt like she was everything  I wished to be and more (she had sickle cell anemia, yet didn't let it stop her form living life to the fullest). She was free, warm, giving, very expressive, and she wasn't afraid to go all out and live life.

Then I read what people had to say about her, watched some videos of her, read some poems that she wrote, and it hit me!!!! Ololade, you have not been living life!!!!!! I was just existing. I have been too afraid to live, to love, to express myself, and it has cost me some friendships/relationships (story for another day). Funny thing is this: I know myself so much that, I know why............👀👀😀😀😀💗

See ehn, I lost a lot of people dear to me while growing up, and since then, I have had a perpetual fear of losing people who I'm close to........... so I tend to hold back most times, unless I have gotten to be very free with you (even at that, I still have the occasional fearful thought of 'O lord, what if something happens to this person). Thinking back, I realise that, it was my way of self-preservation, so I don't get hit too hard, when something happens (which was a silly way of thinking, if I say so myself). I digress. Back to the matter at hand, after Tosyn's death, and everything that has happened in the last couple of days, I have finally realised that holding myself back from 1.feeling,2. loving unconditionally, and unashamedly,3. expressing myself in all ways possible, 4.giving of myself, 5, Sharing my talent with the world, etc , will not stop people from dying, instead, I would have successfully hampered/hindered myself from reaching my best potential.

So thank you Tosyn Bucknor, for showing the world (me especially), how to live. Thank you for not being afraid to live. I will get up and start living life, for real now.


Whilst I am saddened by your death, I am glad that I got to learn from you. Thank you for teaching me. Thank you.

Rest on Tosyn,

Love and Light,

Lade

Prenuptial Agreements, Yay or Nay?

In the last few weeks, we've heard a lot about celebrity divorces and prenuptial agreements, from Janet Jackson(JJ) and her Qatari husband to Mel B and her estranged film producer husband. Almost every blog and entertainment news talked about the $500m Janet Jackson would be walking away with. Some people even went as far as saying she purposely tolerated the marriage, so it can last 5 years in order for her to benefit from the prenup.
We also heard about Mel's husband not getting half of her fortunes because they also signed a prenup before getting married.

I thought about all these things in passing because really my thought process had classified all these (divorces, prenups etc) as an oyinbo thing, until I overheard some ladies discussing the JJ palava. Oh the things I heard!!!!! My jaws literally dropped!!!!! Naija ladies wanting to sign prenups before they get married???? Like Really????

This got me wondering..........

• When did we become this calculating?
• When did we start marrying just for stuff we will get out of the marriage, and not intending to give anything to the marriage?
• Why will we go into a marriage expecting the marriage to fail (cos that's how I see a prenup)?
• When did Nigerians start thinking about prenuptial agreements as a way to cash out of marriage?
• What happened to our previous mindsets of seeing get marriage as for better for worse? ( Now, don't get me wrong here o, as much as I believe that marriage should be for better/worse, I am not an advocate of some things in marriage, i.e domestic violence.......... so if you are in an abusive marriage, please leave. However, I don't believe in jinxing your marriage before it even starts by signing a prenup)

I am a romantic to the bone (blushes and covers face), and when I love someone, I loveee so fiercely, so I honestly don't understand the concept of prenups at all. This got me thinking a lot, and I kept wondering if the world as we live in today hasn't corrupted most people's minds to see love and marriage in a certain way.... I was still in this phase when #BAAD2017 happened............... **drumrolls**  *shakes waist* *puppy eyes* *dances* *sighsagain*

All in a good way this time.

For those that don't know, #BAAD2017 was coined to celebrate the joining of two of Nigeria's most celebrated artistes; Banky W and Adesua Etomi.  Their story gave me renewed hope.......... in love, in the youths, in Nigeria, about relationships etc. 

With their story, I was renewed in spirit again, now I can keep working on myself while waiting for Love.......

Back to the main story, what's your take on prenuptial agreements? 

Do you think it's necessary or irrelevant to a marriage?

Would you sign one?

If your spouse requested for it, what would you do?

I would love to hear from you.

Peace and Love,

Lade

3 things studying for exam taught me

I'll start reading tomorrow, I promise....... Then tomorrow will come, and I'll repeat the same phrase again, just to ease my mind. What I didn't realise was this: not only was I was putting myself under extreme pressure, I was also setting myself up for a panic attack.

Naturally I love to read, I can read anything I lay my eyes on, but let me have exams to write, and I practically have to force myself to read (I'm hoping that this doesn't happen to only me..............).
 So in the last 2 months, I had exams to study for (you'll know this if you are close to me)........... now this exam is a very difficult  and tasking one, so I knew that I had to prepare really hard, however,  the spirit of laziness in me decided to rear its head, and I kept proscatinating, I didn't start serious reading until about 6 weeks to the exam: ..........I can imagine what you are thinking yeah?

This was an exam that I needed at least 4 months of preparation for, me ke? as a super woman that I am now, I felt I could read up in 8 weeks and still dust the exams. But you know one thing about proscatination........ Once you start, you can't seem to stop. So my proscatination continued until my exam was 6 weeks away, . I woke up one morning, was reading through my mails, and I saw my exam ticket, Bam!!!!!! reality dawned..............  First thing that happened to me was a panic attack, a very serious one. Having panic attacks is a big deal for me, because I hardly ever get worried (ok maybe I do, I just cover it up well, but I still don't have panic attacks.)

After the first panic attack came the calm period where I became a planner. I started planning my study time amidst all my other engagements (note that it was a very hectic period at work, plus I had other things I had committed myself to). At the planning phase, all I wanted to do was cancel all my commitments............ and this affected my relationships/friendships a little bit *****covers face*****). At this stage I was very serious and I had a very short fuse for rubbish/time-wasting activities. I was taking out my frustrations out on other people....... friends and colleagues that bore the brunt of my frustrations, let me use this media to apologise to you all.......

Stage 3 came upon me soon enough, This stage was the worst of all. It was the stage of near-depression and almost full blown panic attack. At this stage I had less than 3 weeks to the exam and I was not even halfway through with my books. Meanwhile, all the study companions I had were already solving questions and practising with mock exams, and I wasn't even done reading. At this point, I was at the "Mo ku, Mo gbe Mo daran, owo ti jo na stage" that is, I am finished, my money is wasted !!!!!

 Yet I couldn't tell people how I felt. I only told a few people who tried to console me, but I was inconsolable. Mumsy would call and pray for me everyday, At this stage, my faith tripled, you know when you haven't really prepared for an exam, and someone prays for you, and you claim the prayer with a forceful Amen.....that was me at this stage.😂😂😂. This was when I remembered that I needed to fast also.............

Did I also tell you that I started getting all sorts of advise at this point. From 'stop reading, just start practising questions (I'm like, how do I solve questions when I don't know anything), to try to get summaries of all courses and read them (na beans? with just 3 weeks to go?). I got all sorts of suggestions, some  scared me, some gingered me, some got me upset, some had me laughing...........

Needless to say, those weeks were the most terrifying weeks of 2016!!! what am I saying? Those weeks were arguably the most terrifying weeks of my life!!!!!!! In all, I learnt that no matter how genius you think (or know) you are, if you don't plan and prepare, you are setting yourself up for major failure.....

P.S: The exams went well, but I'm still praying for awesome results.  You can assist me with prayers too..........

I hope you enjoyed this, please share with friends and family also.

Thanks.

Till next time,

Lade.........

Losing Dear Friends

Have you ever lost someone who used to be very close to you? Someone whom you think you couldn't live without? Now when I say lose, I don't mean losing the person to death, I mean losing the person to other forces such as ego, anger, childishness/immaturity, etc

This happened to me a while back, I had this friend I was very cool with. Very cool o. She was one of the very few friends that I used to hangout with. You know you have friends that you don't talk to everyday, but on days you do, you flow like there was never a break in communication between you. She was that kind of friend. Losing such friends hurt especially when you don't know what really went wrong.....

She was one of those in whom you could relay your deepest fears, She was one of those you could be goofy with, but hey .......... life happened.

Till this day, I still wonder what went wrong............. 

Maybe I didn't reach out as I should have (I know, I'm terrible at following up with friends, my good friends know that and take me as I am *covers face*)

Maybe I shouldn't have ignored the warning signs......

Maybe I was just being heady...........

Maybe, just maybe..........................................the friendship wasn't meant to be.

I keep thinking about this, but I have no answers yet. Maybe someday, the answers will come, but in the meantime, I'll just focus on being me, developing myself, being more caring, less impatient and enjoying life to the fullest..

So tell me, have you lost a friend before (not to death o)?

What happened?

How did you cope?

I'd love to hear from you.

Till next time...

Peace and love

Lade.

Mr Know It All

I know a loquacious big man

As loud as Mars

Who has a need to be heard whatever it takes

He always has something to say in every conversation

And likes to be the champion..................................

He has a story for everyone, be it false or true

He likes to be in peoples' faces, and I'm sure we all agree

That even though we laugh with him, we have a name for him

The one who likes to talk is known as Mr Know It All.................................

We all have that friend or colleague who fits the above description perfectly. They want to contribute to every conversation, and are not good at listening. They always have a story to tell.

They just love being the center of attraction. In fact they get upset if they make suggestions, and their suggestions are ignored ( who suggestion don epp?)

 They like to tell big stories about every situation,,and seems to know everybody (they also know some fictitious people). I know about this because I know a Mr-Know-It-All *****drum roll***

Yes I do............. and I must say he can be very annoying. He has a need to talk, that at times I think he likes to hear his voice ( If you've met a know-it-all before, you'll understand me). I absolutely dread going to meetings with him in attendance, because a 15 minute meeting will end up being 1 hour.

The only saving grace is that he's practically one of the nicest persons I've met in my whole life. the only but is his "Know-it-all" attitude.

P.S: If you do not know anyone, it means that YOU are the Know-It-All (mischievous grins)

So tell me, do you know any Mr or Miss Know-it-all?

How do you cope with them?

Your comments and suggestions are welcome.

Till my next post.

Peace and Love

Lade.

There was a country!!!

Once upon a time, they said that one dollar was equal to one naira ( I think I heard that $2=N1 at some point...... well, maybe before I was born)
Once upon a time, they said that you could easily and comfortably take a train from Ojuelegba to Ibadan.
Once upon a time, they said visa wasn't needed to travel to the UK.
There was a country!!!!!

Once upon a time, we were the giant of Africa (supposedly.........).
Once upon a time, 24/7 electricity was the norm, and not a luxury.
Once upon a time, university graduates didn't struggle to get jobs.
Once upon a time, buying fuel was as simple as A,B,C.......
There was a country!!!!!!!!!!!!

Once upon a time, we had leaders who cared about the citizens (or at least they pretended to care.........)
Once upon a time, we had journalists with scruples, that would post, and publish only the truth.
Once upon a time, we cared for one another as friends, neighbours and fellow humans.
Once upon a time...................................
Oh There was a country!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Where did we go wrong?
When did we lose all our values?
How did we lose our values?
When did we lose our sense of compassion?
When did we become the vulture that we are now?
How I wish we could go back to these old times!!!!!!
My dear country Nigeria, How I wish, we could restore all the lost hopes and values.

Oh How I wish, we could go back to the "Once upon a times!!!!!!!!!!!

Afterthoughts

Have you ever reflected on the happenings in your day, and thought of turning back time, so you could change a particular moment, situation, conversation or behaviour?

I know this happens to me almost all the time, as I sometimes don't know when to keep quiet. I review my day, and think of a certain event that occurred, and I end up chastising myself, like: "Lola why didn't you reply Mr X in this way" or "babes you shouldn't have reacted the way you did, when Bee said what she said"

I end up feeling really bad about some of my actions, and then decide to not react to those things again. Now I'm an 'all or nothing' kind of girl. It's either I go all out, or I don't go at all. Once I decide not to say act in a particular way again, I try 200% not to. Infact, I move away from anyone/ anything that seems like temptation to me. Let me give an instance where I was once trying to have a discussion with my colleague and friend, so I pulled him away from the crowd, and the guy said: "Kilo de t'on se fa mi? Se o fe naa mi ni?" In English, this means: Why are you pulling my hands, do you want to beat me ni? I was soooo dumbfounded, that I just quietly told him what I wanted to tell him, turned my back on him...................................Like I literally turned my back on him, the guy didn't know what hit him. He just realised that I stopped being friendly, and trust the extremist in me, I decided to milk the situation for all it was worth (mischievous grin).

So after my daily reviews, I almost always identify areas where I need to improve on,(my sharp mouth especially..... if you are close to me you'll know this) and I tell myself that I will improve, honestly I do, but.................................................... Gosh, it can be quite difficult, especially if you are like me, and your mouth is your major weapon.

I can honestly say that this daily reviews have helped especially because I don't like feeling foolish or guilty for acting in a particular way, and because it helps me avoid such awkward situations in future, though it sometimes feels like I have an affinity for awkward situations.

So tell me, have you ever felt like turning back the hands of time? Does this happen often, or as one-off situations?

Let me hear from you.

Love
Lade