I literally screamed!!!!!! She was so full of life, always happy (at least every time, I hear her on radio, or watch her videos),and very passionate about who/what she holds dear. Tosyn Bucknor made me start listening to Top radio (awa team Areaaaaaaa), and when she moved to Inspiration fm, needless to say, I moved with her too. I had always been a fan, because I felt like she was everything I wished to be and more (she had sickle cell anemia, yet didn't let it stop her form living life to the fullest). She was free, warm, giving, very expressive, and she wasn't afraid to go all out and live life.
Then I read what people had to say about her, watched some videos of her, read some poems that she wrote, and it hit me!!!! Ololade, you have not been living life!!!!!! I was just existing. I have been too afraid to live, to love, to express myself, and it has cost me some friendships/relationships (story for another day). Funny thing is this: I know myself so much that, I know why............👀👀😀😀😀💗
See ehn, I lost a lot of people dear to me while growing up, and since then, I have had a perpetual fear of losing people who I'm close to........... so I tend to hold back most times, unless I have gotten to be very free with you (even at that, I still have the occasional fearful thought of 'O lord, what if something happens to this person). Thinking back, I realise that, it was my way of self-preservation, so I don't get hit too hard, when something happens (which was a silly way of thinking, if I say so myself). I digress. Back to the matter at hand, after Tosyn's death, and everything that has happened in the last couple of days, I have finally realised that holding myself back from 1.feeling,2. loving unconditionally, and unashamedly,3. expressing myself in all ways possible, 4.giving of myself, 5, Sharing my talent with the world, etc , will not stop people from dying, instead, I would have successfully hampered/hindered myself from reaching my best potential.
So thank you Tosyn Bucknor, for showing the world (me especially), how to live. Thank you for not being afraid to live. I will get up and start living life, for real now.
Whilst I am saddened by your death, I am glad that I got to learn from you. Thank you for teaching me. Thank you.
Rest on Tosyn,
Love and Light,
Lade
